It’s another New Year’s Eve party, and once again you find yourself drunk and dancing naked on top of a table. And once again you have to live down the embarrassment, the humiliation, of making another New Year’s resolution.
Right on, girl! The dancing naked part was the best part.
Right after New Year’s we find ourselves pushing carts through stores like zombies on a mission to to load it up with low fat this and diet that in order to keep promises we made while we were drunk and naked, and don’t you act like you haven’t done either.
And of course we know that if we eat more low fat food we’ll lose weight even faster. Uh, right?
What we need to do is to make more, not realistic, but enjoyable resolutions. And that one about not getting drunk and dancing naked again ain’t gonna happen. I mean seriously, why take away some of your fun, huh?
What might be some good resolutions for the new year?
Getting laid by someone different every week/month?
If you are married, getting someone to want to lay you, then telling them no?
Now something like getting a raise, well now the way businesses are cutting people’s incomes today, you are more likely to have your’s lowered while the head of the company increases his; it’s all the rage now. So how about a resolution to not have your income cut? Yep, it’s a fantasy, but then so is the one about losing weight. Let’s face it, diet foods and low fat products exist to sell more product, not to help you lose weight.
New Year’s resolutions should be something fun, something that you can actually succeed at without having to change the laws of physics or human behavior, and preferably should be made while drunk and dancing naked on a table. It’s just so much more fun for everybody that way.
Oh, and trust me, don’t wear tassels, that’s just an accident waiting to happen.